I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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