yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
