Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
