you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
