No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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