I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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