Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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