youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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