you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There's always time for handjobs
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
