the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
