I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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