Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
