We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
