ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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