Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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