So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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