i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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