I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
