I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
