ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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