i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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