I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions