Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
