I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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