Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
