The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
