I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
