I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
