ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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