Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
