I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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