watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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