Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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