Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
