i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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