And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
