Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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