On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
