Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
