He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
