so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
