Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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