Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize