so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
