Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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