everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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