It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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