This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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