Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
