is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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