you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
