Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just high enough for therapy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
