I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
