I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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