so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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