so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
