your parents love me but you hate me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
