So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
