I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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