Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
