I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
