he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
