turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
