I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
