If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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