i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it was like eating out sand paper
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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