Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
home. puking in laundry basket.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
