Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
