Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
