I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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