There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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