I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just pee around me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
