Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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